I'M ANGRY!
Tired of the bull shit and the lies.
Tired of being treated as though I am sick when really, I am vibrant and thriving.
Tired of being looked at as a risk to others health.
So really, I am not angry. I am sad. I have needs that are not being met and that shows up as anger, but underneath the anger is just sadness. I am sad to witness the division this has created because I have a need for community and harmony.
There is always an unmet need that is hiding behind anger. When you feel anger arise, focus on which of your needs are not being met, and find a way to express that instead of projecting anger (which never goes well). Anger is a reminder that your needs are not being met. You can still express your anger, but with full ownership and ideally vulnerability.
Trust me, I know anger can surely feel like the truest emotion at times, but dig deeper. When you focus on your needs and the emotion hiding below your anger, you are more likely to be heard and understood. Focus on what your needs are and express them in a safe manner.
The more people hear anger, judgement, or blame, the more defensive they become and the less likely you are to have your needs met.
When you’re feeling angry and want to lash out to have your needs met, STOP + BREATHE. Identify your judgements and stay quiet until you diffuse your anger. Connect to your needs so you can accurately express your feelings and the needs that you have. The key to success in any conflict is to work SLOWLY. Take your time to collect your thoughts before expressing your emotions and needs.
It takes much longer to rebuild a relationship after conflict than it does to take your time during conflict and navigate it with conscious tools.
If triggers and conflict are sore spots for you and you want to communicate more effectively, let's talk. I have 2 couples coaching programs that will harmonize and transform your current patterns and leave you with simple and effective tools to use for the rest of your life.
If you are committed to the growth of your partnership, send me a message to see if you and your partner are a good fit for either of these programs. Your triggers won't magically disappear, sorry, but you will have the tools you need to navigate triggers and conflict with ease and grace.
Aside from the odd bicker over ridiculous things (Jeff leaving his socks around the house) I can't even remember the last time Jeffrey and I had a fight or argument (and we come from a past of fighting daily).
The tools you learn in these programs and the work you do in your sessions build intimacy and connection like it's fucking magic.
What are you waiting for?